An important point I forget way too often.

An important point I forget way too often.

dad-isms:

When your wife is clearly needing to talk about something that is bothering her and you immediately start solving ___________ problem (without letting her vent), what you are saying (and don’t know it) is, “quit being upset, I can clearly see you don’t know how to fix (issue), but I do.  Now…save your breath, listen closely, and I’ll tell you exactly how to solve this in no time”.

I know in your heart you want to help her (and may not want to hear the blow by blow account of her feelings), but 99% of the time this approach will leave her feeling belittled to the point that she probably won’t want to share her thoughts or herself with you…and little by little you destroy the intimacy she needs (conversationally), and sadly, you destroy the intimacy you need (touch) in the process.  That’s called lose-lose.  

I know I have told you this and it is worth saying again: One of the most important needs in your wife’s life is to be heard.  To be understood.  To be loved even when she may not have it all figured out or together in the moment.  That is what creates the love that no man can come between and will give you a lifetime of happiness.

Remember, listening is her air