Here are some examples:
Just a quick note here…diary blogs are only interesting when something happens to you that’s worth writing about. When you’re going through a period of not much, you should probably refrain from trying to make up something funny or interesting if neither of these qualities apply to you. Otherwise you end up lifting jokes from other people, or posting crap about nothing in particular.
And then your blog is just shit. On toast.
The Doctor is going to sleep.
Just do me a favour – go read today’s missive from Peas on Toast. Link is to your right.
This is the chick that has won two blog awards in two years. Everything in the first half of that post is total, complete bullshit. None of it happened, except possibly for being cut off in traffic. It’s not ironic, or a funny story. It’s just total crap. Like last week, when she shouted at the MTN lady who said “the phone parts are coming from Sweden”, and everyone said in her comments “that chick lied to you, Nokia can like to be from Finland!!!1!”. The chick wasn’t lying, the blogger MADE IT UP.
Said it before, I’ll say it again: if you have nothing to write about, and you’re not particularly funny, don’t post. Spend that day reading the funny people (kyk, cadman, granny wrangler, etc.) and try learn something for your next piece of fiction.
Oh, and people who average three spelling and/or grammar mistakes per blog post (“DID YOU HERE ME?”) and use big words that they don’t understand (“It was blue. Let me digress, it was blue”) should perhaps consider a career other than journalism. Or work for a fucking meticulous, extremely patient editor.
(Natural rebuttal here will of course be “if you don’t like it, don’t read it”. I like reading things that piss me off, it fires me up and relieves my boredom. The same reason Mrs Doctor keeps watching ads that make her want to claw her eyes out. I am certainly looking forward to reading “sex journalism” from someone who always complains about the lack of the aforementioned.)
Anyway…did I tell you about the time I saved those orphans from that fire? I was on my way from winning the Nobel prize for Physics, and the police scanner in the Batmobile started…shit, my phone’s ringing. Gotta go.
This next one is my personal favourite, in part because it was deleted:
1000…eat my ass
The worst thing in the entire world is someone who takes themselves too seriously. This is compounded 1000% where this someone is an “internet personality”, and multiply that by 10000 where said person is South African. I love my country more than anything in the entire world – trust me, there’s nothing like a year in Canada to focus your nationalism. But seriously, we suck at market creation and development. Quick – name the last 3 winners of SA Idol. You thought “that coloured chick and Anka”, didn’t you? We are so Westernised, and the worst thing is we cannot admit it.
So – the “blogosphere”. May the person who thought up that word be buried in honey, and may fire ants eat his/her ass from the inside. Anyway. The SA blog scene is lead by Peas on Toast, a self-proclaimed “journalist” that averages five spelling and grammar mistakes per post, and uses words like they’re dildos (with no respect, and to FUCK you). I tried to incite a lively debate with said woman, but was brutally rebuffed by her tireless army of “fans”, most of which includes her roommate. The funny thing was, I got five posts agreeing with me for every one that defended her. This specialist was voted the “Most Humorous Blog” of 2007. That’s like Lindsay Lohan being voted the “Most not a fucking useless whore”. I.e., not true.
Now this girl (and from the Blog Award pictures, she looks like a whippet standing upright with a wig on) wants to be a “sex journalist”. Sorry, how do you talk about sex when you have had one (failed) relationship in the last six months? Why do you think you are so cool? If you were such a Fuck Professional, would you be single? Doubt it.
I look forward to the website, Peas. We already know how you hate constructive criticism. Let’s see how you handle it in the real world.
By the way – this legend Googles herself, as Urk showed me on the Statcounter thing. So: Peas on Toast. Come get me, biyatch.
God I’m drunk. Doctor out.
What really makes this blog interesting is how Dr Marcus takes great offence at forms of intolerance like anti-semitism and yet actively goes after Peas, the gay community and just about anyone else this bigot doesn’t like. He even dislikes people who Google themselves (I have a standing Technorati wachlist for anything that mentions me by name so you may as well add me to the list of the vain).
I’d give you more links to more but I don’t have the energy to read more of this shit. What is clear to me from this blog is that this Dr Marcus is a complete tosser. He picks on a blogger who has become pretty successful in South Africa because he doesn’t approve of her appearance, the subject matter of her blog, the life she leads or perhaps it is because she has such a huge fan base here in South Africa. He also picks on just about everyone else and I fully expect some backlash here if he happens to run a search on Google or Technorati which points him back here (which would be ironic) or checks his referral logs (just a ironic). So what is the problem with this? Two words: Kathy Sierra. This is how that sort of thing starts, how sociopaths start their downward spiral from miserable little sods to malicious and dangerous stalkers.
Granted this is a price of fame. All the top bloggers have their detractors but there is a line to be drawn where constructive criticism ends and hate speech and vile attacks begin. These posts are on the other side of that line. If you don’t like a blogger then don’t read the blog. If you really dislike them, then make out your case in a rationale manner, don’t be a prick (no offence to penises all over the world). It is easy to hide behind a blog and show the world what an angry little man you are and, in the process, hurt bloggers who just want to have a good time. Who cares if Peas’ posts are completely factual or not and whether she regularly goes to bed with a variety of sex toys or a fluffy teddy bear. Peas is an entertainer and she writes to share some of her experiences and also to entertain her readers. This is why her readers nominated her for Most Humourous Blog. Just because thousands of other people love her blog, doesn’t mean you have to. I dig Peas and yet there are blogs out there I would read before I catch up on her experiences. Sometimes her posts shock me (secretly, I am a bit of a prude) and if I find a post a little too much, I just move on to the next post in my feed reader. I respect what she has accomplished through her blog and look forward to her book (which I will buy, read and nag her to autograph).
There is no justification for being so callous and downright rude. When you rip into someone don’t forget you are talking about a person who has feelings and who may actually be hurt by the crap you spew. Remember that. I am a little naive in this way, I expect that people consider how they would feel if someone said that sort of thing about them. Would they really be ok with that?
I’d like to end off with this gem of a quote from Marcus’ blog:
It is amazing. Do people not know where to draw the line anymore?