Drained

Isn’t it unfortunate how you can be excited and energetic and one glance from your boss or not-so-friendly coworker and all that energy just bleeds right out of you.  I know the scenario and how it all works and how to fix it.  The problem is that I am just so tired now, a mere 2 and a half hours after the Look.  That one look and it all comes flooding back; the exhaustion, lethargy, feelings of low self-esteem and the fear of impending doom because of one man’s disapproval.

These are the things that keep us small, stuck.  They are the experiences we have because we have become so dependent on someone else’s approval that even when we begin to see how that relationship is over and it is time to move forward into a space that supports us and encourages us to grow in directions we never though existed, we stay where we are, stuck.  In times like this I am reminded of the Robin Williams movie "What Dreams May Come" and the discussion about what happens to people who commit suicide.  If I remember correctly, people who commit suicide find themselves in a very gothic, self-absorbed hell where they struggle with their choices including their choice to end their lives.  They become so absorbed in their own misery that they can’t see beyond it.

In a way it is a bit like that for me.  I find myself becoming so absorbed into my unhappy job and the choices I made which contributed to my circumstances that it is a struggle to lift myself out of that funk and grasp the opportunities that have been presented to me.  Bit like emotional quicksand.